First, I wish you all the best. If there were people who have treated you wrong because of 9/11, they were wrong, and they know it.
Now, regarding Japan, by the time we bombed them they had already attacked Pearl Harbor, invaded the Aleutian Islands in Alaska, and they launched thousands of balloon bombs indiscriminately aimed at our mainland civilians. Clearly, they were terrorizing us. We responded by building the greatest military machine of the time in less than two years, and we proved that if we work together we almost always come out on top.
The battles of the Pacific were arguably some of the bloodiest of the entire war. Some soldiers were even eaten by sharks. The Japanese fought to the last bullet with or without food, and then they resorted to hand-to-hand combat or suicide. Bombing them was a last resort, because we knew that we couldn't keep the technology from them. They would have used it on us without a second thought.
The reason we remember things like the Alamo, Pearl Harbor, D-Day, The Boston Tea Party, The Trail of Tears, WW2 internment camps, and even the lessor talked about, but still as riveting, atrocities of Black Wall street is because these terrible things happened to our countrymen and women.
Lastly, you should be proud that you live in a country that allows you to voice your opinion without persecution. Here, in the awesome U.S.A., you can dissent when you see inconsistencies, but remember that your current viewpoint is a result of having the opportunity to learn something in the first place. Don't let the learning process stop with your dissent. Question everything, and especially question your own views with the views of those who see things differently. If they can stand that type of test, then you are probably in the right place.
Good luck.