To be a LIBERAL today, you have to believe:
That the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of funding rather then a lack of morality.
That trial lawyers are selfless heroes, but doctors are overpaid.
That global temperatures are affected more by Yuppies driving SUVs than by cyclical, documented changes in the brilliance of the sun.
That guns in the hands of the law abiding Americans are more of a threat than nuclear weapons in the hands of the Red Chinese.
That businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
That self-esteem is more important than doing anything to earn it.
That there was no art before federal funding.
That the NRA is bad, because it stands up for certain parts of the constitution, but the ACLU is good, because it stands up for certain parts of the Constitution.
That taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
That the most troubling thing you can find in a public school is a child praying.
That standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas aren't.
That any change in the weather is proof of global warming.
That national wealth is determined by what we consume, not by what we produce.
That the only wars in which America should become involved, are those in which our national security is not at risk.
That perjury and obstruction of justice are impeachable if a Republican, like Richard Nixon, commits them, but harmless, private matters if a Democrat like Bill Clinton commits them.
That we can have a strong military without spending money on it.
That the way to improve public schools is to give more money and power to people who have misused it in the past.
That a mother can be trusted to decide whether to terminate the life of her baby, but cannot be trusted to choose her child's school.
That hunters and fishermen don't care about nature, but pasty-faced activists, who rarely leave the Upper West Side of Manhattan, do.
That a bureaucrat living in Washington can make better decisions about how to spend your money than you can.
That Hillary Clinton is a wonderful example for young women of feminist independence, even though almost everything she's gotten in life is a result of her marriage to Bill Clinton.
That being a movie star makes you qualified to speak out on public policy.
That a handful of religious wackos, living in rural Texas, are more of a threat to public safety than terrorists who plant bombs in major cities.
That cigarette and liquor advertising must be banned because it causes kids to smoke and drink, but we don't need to worry about adultery, promiscuity, and violence in television programming because kids aren't affect by what happens between the commercials.
That passing new laws is a better way to prevent crime than enforcing existing ones.
That the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it has been tried is because liberals like you haven't been in charge.
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