• It was total vomitorium overload in 2009, you know that first “historic” year of the Obama presidency. And little is as annoying as these common phrases and themes that populate the Obama presidency. So, with that first year filed away neatly in the toilet, let’s say goodbye in 2010 to the worst of 2009.
• 1) “Historic” - Yes, we get it. Obama is black(ish). And everything is “historic.” He signs a bill, historic. He gets a dog, historic. He goes to the bathroom, historic. We get it, and we are over it. (And as I type this, a big, fat “historic” health care bill just passed the Senate, waiting to be signed by our “historic” president.) So let’s retire: “Historic.”
• 2) “Let me be clear” - Anytime The One utters this phrase you can be assured of two things. First, he is not going to be clear. He is about to say something completely contradictory to something he has already said. Second, he is about to bash someone most likely bankers/Republicans/Bush/Palin/Cheney. And bash them he will on whatever issue he is not about to be clear on. So let’s retire: “Let me be clear.”
• 3) “Bush’s Fault” - Yes, we get it. Everything is Bush’s fault. You’re spending tax dollars like a Kennedy at a Tijuana drinking festival, and it is Bush’s fault. You promised unemployment would never top 8% if we passed your “historic” stimulus bill, it soars past 10% and it’s Bush’s fault. Afghanistan, gas prices, global cooling warming climate change is Bush’s fault. Everything is Bush’s fault, WE GET IT! So, comrade, let’s grow a pair and retire: “Bush’s fault.”
• 4) “This isn’t about me” - Another glorious fave of the Dear Reader. Much like #2, the one thing you know to be certainly true when Obama says “this isn’t about me” is that it is most definitely about him. Everything is about him. Him and his historic little ways. And why would you need to assure people that it’s not about you? Have past presidents had to make such statements in the past? So let’s retire: “This isn’t about me.”
• 5) Primetime Press conferences - Really. If you screw up one more episode of Fringe for me I’m going to have to write you a very stern letter letting you know how disappointed I am (in my circles, we call this: “liberal foreign policy”). I don’t even like watching the press conferences of Presidents I do like, much less press conferences of a bed-wetting spinster. If you must have press conferences, let’s reduce them by half and ship them to Friday or Saturday nights.
• 6) Michelle’s Arms and Fashion - I guess I’ll save the least charitable in me for last. While I’m not one to judge politicians and their families on how they look, the Obama’s and media really opened up this can on Michelle body/looks. But oddly, they opened up in a way that somehow turned Michelle into Halle Berry. “Those arms!” “That body!” “Drop-dead gorgeous!” Michelle on every fashion magazine possible (Even scored an A+ in Entertainment Weekly). Yes, I’ve seen those arms and they are impressive compared to, say, Barack’s carrot sticks. And fashion model? Yikes! I won’t get carried away but will just say she has one of those faces that just “looks mean.” And while I don’t really care how she looks, I’m not the one obsessing/pretending she is Halle to Barack’s Denzel. So let’s Retire: “Michelle is hot” and, while we are at it, let’s also retire “Michelle’s Vegetable Garden.”